Yeah, I know it’s shameless pandering. But the more crap you people buy, the faster I can earn enough to get a divorce, and the sooner we can end all this blogging nonsense. So, Win/Win.
Get it? Vegan? Jerk? Do I have to draw a flow chart?
Wake up to some great Italian every morning, without all the hair and grease.
You know, if you add a few more cups (see above: hint), you could probably enter hyper-drive, like on that Futurama episode.
Take a trip back to 1983, and once again be filled with hope for a shiny new tomorrow, before ultimately settling for a smokescreen of bells and whistles, and some guy in little pants.
All that, and a bag of…er, box of…canister of…Whatever. They’re cheap enough.
Something to do with your hands besides wringing them together in utter hopelessness and despair.
Because who in their right mind wouldn’t want to suck on some bath oil bead-flavored breath mints?
Well, my weekend is set.