Chapter 1

Mew gets out the belt.

DrNate: Ok, Ok…I’ll do the stupid story…yeesh. 

kscully tosses Nate a NateTreat(tm).

kscully: Nate: Nah, rest up tonight. Who wants to run?

DrNate: From Mew? I’d be glad to, any time.

Wyldling: I’s run TO Mew, Nate :p

kscully: Mew: Just get behind him in a car and steer him towards a marathon with a cash prize. We could split the money.

Mew: See?

DrNate: That makes one of us,

Wyld. DrNate is just kiddin. Everyone put down the farm impliments. 

Mew gets out a Dallas phonebook. 

It was a dark and stormy night.

Wyldling: It’s set 100 years after the Nuclear Wars….: Is this mic on? Hello? Hello?

Wyldling: Want me to run???

DrNate: Wait wait wait…More than one Nuclear war? I don’t buy this. 

Mew feels her IQ drop significantly.

DrNate: Mew: Well, not SIGNIFICANTLY.

Wyldling: Nate: there were two ’cause mankind didn’t learn the first time….

DrNate: Fine then…A Hundred years…What kind of characters are we suppossed to be playing?

Wyldling: Furries, Anime Characters, Nuclear mutants, post-apocolyptic heroes ( Mad Max Types), or anything you can dream up….

DrNate: I want to be a super strong, sword wielding bozo, who believes he is from a different dimension, here on a holy crusade, the details of which are never fully outlined, and (when revealed in bits) seems utterly arbitrary.

kscully: Nooo! Not him! 😛

Wyldling: Nate: Ahhh, I see you want to be He-Man 🙂

kscully: Or Ator or many of the large pec-ed hero types. But if ya play Ator, Nate, ya gotta promise to wear a bra, ok?

Wyldling: Wyld as that boring old guy….

Mew as….nevermind. Mew: Hey!

DrNate: I think I’ll steal Wyld’s idea, and call myself “Me-Han”.

Mew: I’ll be Mewtant.

DrNate: If you want to be sick: Me-Han and the Masturs of the Universe.

Wyldling is now known as GameMstr.

kscully: Wyld: Don’t you want a character too?

DrNate is now known as Me-Han. 

Me-Han holds up his Phallic Symbol.

Me-Han: By the power of Greybeard! Ooh! Can I watch! =P~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Mew gets out theDallas Phone Directory.

kscully: Mmm…go off…

GameMstr: You all are on a mtn. top answering a strange siren’s call that only each of you can hear….

Me-Han: OOh! Mew is gonna call me up and go off over the phone! Cool! 

Me-Han feels so special. 

kscully sighs…

GameMstr: Ahemm Gm talking here!!

kscully: Talk on.

Mewtant: Nate: I could come over with the whip in person…

postmike: Whoa.

kscully: Mew: What exactly has he done wrong and how can I do it too? 

Me-Han: Now now…please don’t tease me like that! You know how lonely I am!

GameMstr: Oooh…Oooh come to Washington with a whip personally…..please!

postmike walks around in circles…avoiding the camcorder.

GameMstr (back in character): Ahemm. Gm talking here!!

kscully sighs, drools, and then snaps back to reality…or a reasonable facsimile.

kscully: We’re waiting, O mighty GM…say somethin!

postmike: .

GameMstr: All around you swirl visions of the possible futures for each of you….And visions of the Evil gathering in the northlands.

kscully: Unless you’re north of that, which makes the Evil in the southlands…

GameMstr: Each of you has had dreams of a journey to this place….Now each of you, after long journeys from your individual homelands you are here….What do you do?

Me-Han: Oh! I forgot the other part! 

Me-Han shoots his sword at his bunny, turning it into BattleBunny ™ (Only $9.95 at your local Toys R Us).

GameMstr: Han: What part? 

Me-Han is more than a little relieved, now.

GameMstr: Ahhh…LOL!

kscully: Eww…Wish I didn’t have to watch him relieving himself…dang. Barbarians…

Mewtant: Don’t shoot your bunny.

postmike: No animals were harmed in the IRC’ng of this story.

GameMstr: BattleBunny (now in battle armor) Roars!

Me-Han: But, it turns her into BattleBunny! BattleBunny!

kscully: “What, behind the rabbit? it is the rabbit!”

GameMstr: Mew, ks what are you ppl doing?

Mewtant: I am pondering.

kscully is lounging and picking at fingernails with a dagger…

Me-Han: Who all knew that PrinceWhathisface was He_man?

Me-Han: Man at arms, the Sorceress, and Orko? That all?

GameMstr: Then out of nowhere, three beautful women appear on the stone table in the center of the Mtn top….

Mewtant: And all three fall in love immediately with Mew…

kscully: Ah, the babe magnet. That’ll come in handy.

postmike: hehe…handy.

GameMstr: (All three of them speak in unision):

GM: “We have brought you all here to see the darkness that envelops your world…

Mewtant: I saw this on “Xena” the other night.

GameMstr: Something like it, mebee 😉

postmike: :/

GameMstr: But not this story… 

Me-Han looks for Leela and Orkko. 

postmike needs food.

GameMstr: You must act quickly to save your world, you must seek the Four Talismans only then can you defeat it….

kscully: Four talismans, stop impending doom, yatta yatta yatta…same old deal.

kscully: What do we get besides a sense of well-being?

GameMstr: Women, Booze, money, and a big screen tv….

kscully: Oh. Now these are Mysterious Quest Beginners I can deal with!

Mewtant: I have enough women, thank you…

Me-Han: Mew: Share some with Me-Han, Masteur of the Universe!

Mewtant: Nate: Sure, have a party.

GameMstr: Then you can have Male slaves then.

Mewtant: Got those, too.

Me-Han: Now I can be Me-Han! Mutual Masteur of the Universe.

Mewtant: Me-Hanos-The Glands of Nate.

Me-Han: No kidding!

kscully: Urgh…pun damage…

Me-Han: This Nuclear winter is really getting the juices going.

GameMstr: Then you can have some 500 dollar gift certificates from the store of your choice then, Mew. 

Mew cannot be bribed with material things.

GameMstr: Mew: LOL LOL!!!

Me-Han: She needs Immaterial things, like Immortal souls and stuff.

Mewtant: Yeah, that will do. 

Mew looks at Nate.

Mewtant: Virgins and stuff.

GameMstr: An exasperated voice from the heavens speaks:

GM: Fine, fine. We’ll negotiate when this is over.

kscully: All right. Let’s go kick the butts of Darkness, then. 

Me-Han flinches.

Mew resheaths her sword.

GameMstr: Now go, seek the first talisman in the city of those who worship the Cat Goddess. Uh Cat-like Goddess …. The three women disappear, leaving a map….

Me-Han: Is the map on a piece of paper?

Mewtant: I thought it was more their style to burn it into the skin of the purest one among us…

GameMstr: No it’s on a piece of cloth….

GameMstr: The map is an Iron-on transfer…. Me-Han: Rats. I was hoping for a piece of paper, upon which I could write some Hikau.

Mewtant: Yeah, but imagine having to ask Nate to Me-Han to bend over each time we had to check for directions?

kscully: *shudder* Makes my fur stand on end. We’d never get anywhere. 

Me-Han hops on BattleBunny, and looks for his evil arch nemesis, Epidermator.

GameMstr: Me-Han: He’s not here, but ya might meet him in da future….

kscully: Wouldn’t it be annoying to have a good arch nemesis? You couldn’t go and bash them without a really good excuse.

Mew notes GM is from Jersey City.

postmike: 07… Me-Han: Unless you were evil to begin with. 

postmike eats some ice cream.

GameMstr: You all hear voices from the heavens speaking Well….hurry up….if ya don’t we can’t finish the game….

GM he’s not doing any thing….ETC.

kscully: Well, that’d do it, yeah. But not with a whole good/good thing going on. it’d be a real drag to the epic struggle between enemies over the freedom of the people…

Me-Han: Mew can be my good arch-nemesis, if she wants.

Me-Han gets on his battle bunny, and starts following the map.

kscully listens to the voices and waits for everyone to pack up and hit da road.

GameMstr: *The map flies into ks’s hands…

Mewtant: That’s kewl.

Me-Han: Since I can’t read much, I stop and ask for directions a lot, receiving lots of compliments on my battle bunny.

kscully: Hmm…Seems as though I’ve been gifted with a blessing from on high and all that stuff…

GameMstr: You follow the map to the city of…..Babmewlon….! 

kscully reads the faintly glowing map, keeping an eye on the dizzy barbarian…

GameMstr: You follow the map to the city of…..Babmewlon….!

Mewtant: “Hey, stranger. Nice bunny.”

kscully: Breath, man, breath. Get some oxygen to that brain. I know it might take it a while to find it, but it’ll get there.  Ah, the fifth city of this type.

Me-Han: “Thank you, kind lady. It is Me-Han’s BattleBunny(tm).” Available at Toys R Us, for $9.95″ Me-Han: Why is the city spining?

GameMstr: Above the gates you see the statue of their Goddess….Patricia-She Who Mews in the Darkness…OOOO

kscully: ‘Cause you went all faint when you tried to pronounce a backwards R, ya musclebrain.  

GameMstr is now known as Guard.

Mewtant: “All Hail Mighty Patricia!” Nathan! Hail!”

kscully: Umm…hail, sleet, rain, all that stuff.

postmike: The mail must go through…oh.

Guard: A female guardswoman speaks.

GM(Guard): “Ahh, I see that you also worship The Great Mewster….”

Me-Han: “No! No hail!”

kscully: “You got it. Now have we got us some passes inside, or do we have to make a show and get dragged inside?

Guard: “Silence, Male!…”

postmike hears “Hail, Hail” by Pearl Jam in his head Guard: “

Mew: Are you and your males here for the ceremony?”

Me-Han yawns. 

Mew yawns.

Me-Han plays with his phallic symbol.

Mewtant: “That’s nice,

Nate.” Guard: “If you are please leave your weapons here. And go in.”

End of Chapter 1